Illusionist
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: Sei has known Youko since middle school and their relationship has always been a complicated one. No one knows just how complicated it really is. SeixYouko. If you don't like it don't read. Otherwise, REVIEW! Please.


**Title:** Illusionist

**Rating:** PG-13 I guess

**Characters/Pairings:** Youko/Sei

**Word Count:** 1,594

**Spoilers:** None

**Summary:** Sei has known Youko since middle school and their relationship has always been a complicated one. No one knows just how complicated it really is. SeixYouko.

* * *

**Illusionist**

It is the first day of school and she is now a first year at Lillian High School. She laughs at the very idea as she stands before the virgin's statue, the irony of one such as herself being in that school. Then again, where else would she be after so many years of attending?

A voice calls out to her and she turns, not bothering to hide her chagrin. The "meddler", as she has so often called her, is approaching, her appearance so perfect in the morning sunlight that one would believe that she had had the uniform made for her.

It disgusts her to see it, makes her want to break that perfection into bits. It grates against her very being but she forces herself to stay where she is, to talk and argue even though all she wants to do is run away, run far away.

The days pass by slowly and she cannot help but grow bored with life itself. The only thing of interest to her is the Yamayurikai and only because its members seem shrouded in mystery to someone like her who is not even interested in the occurrences around her.

Soon the time comes when she is asked by Rosa Gigantea en bouton to become her petite soeur, the last of the three of them to accept a rosary. Eriko and Youko seem content with their new roles but she cannot believe that her onee-sama would choose someone like her. Even the reasoning seems a bit strange, the words "I want to be able to see your face everyday" ringing in her ears with each second that passes by.

The sleepover is Eriko's suggestion but the yellow sister is nowhere to be found when she arrives at Youko's house. Later they will both find out that she had to stay in because of her brothers not wanting her to go out but for now they both sit in uncomfortable silence.

She was so much to leave but she knows that it is not the polite thing to do. The polite thing is to stay put and she does just that, her mask slipping on as easily as if she were at school. Not even Youko, her closest and best friend, can see beneath it.

They continue like that for some time until she gets bored. She gets up to leave but a hand on her wrist stops her. Youko is on the other end, a hopeful smile playing on her lips as she stares up at her.

In a split second she decides to spoil that perfection she always sees. The night is spent with awkward movements and hesitant contact that neither can stop. They have to reach the end no matter what.

The next day they do not mention and it does not come up the day after that. They both have an unspoken agreement to not speak of what happened and neither wants to think about it.

* * *

The train station is cold at night and she is shivering even with her jacket on. She does not make a move to leave though. She will stay until that person comes to meet her and then she will only get up to board a train with her and run away to a new life where they can be together.

She rubs her hands and leans against the bench, going back to the beginning of the term when she first saw her. They were a year apart. She was in her second year while that person was in her first but it was as if her entire world had stopped.

No. Her world had not stopped. It had finally slowed down to a pace that she could accept. She knows that now but even so, she still wonders if something will happen to ruin her happiness. She is not so lucky as to have it remain in one piece.

One hour passes, then two. Time slowly slips away from her and she loses count of the minutes that pass by. Soon it will be that day and she does not want to face it alone. She wants to be with that person so much that it hurts.

A voice calls out to her and she groans silently. Something tells her not to turn around, not to answer that voice but she does not listen to it. She turns only to find Youko standing behind her breathlessly.

"She's not coming."

Three words. Three words are all it takes to shatter her heart into a million tiny little pieces that she vows to never put together again. A single tear escapes her as she reads Shiori's letter and she crumples into her onee-sama's waiting arms.

All she can think is that she needs to find some way to escape. She does not have the will to die and she does not want to return home. She just wants to escape from reality without putting effort into it.

Before she knows it she is back in Youko's bed once more, this time indifferent where she was awkward and hesitant before. Somehow, she wipes away the remains of her heart in the sheets until she can no longer feel just for the one night.

The next day they do not talk about it, adding to their secret. She does not even acknowledge that the previous night happened except for a small thank you that goes unsaid. Even so, Youko understands. She always does.

* * *

Their third year brings new additions to the Yamayurikai. Her own soeur is similar to her in so many ways though she does not care to admit to it. Theirs is a relationship built on something much deeper than words, allowing her to let the mask fall just as she has yearned for so long.

She sits there at the table contemplating this and more even as she listens to the chatter of the others during the meeting. She is not so much interested in what is being said as she is in the person who is speaking.

Youko turns to her, one eyebrow raised as she frowns at her groping of the youngest of the Chinensis family.

"Come off it, Youko," she says with a smile so light that it could float on the wind. "You know Yumi-chan's the only one for me."

She does not add that she means nothing by what she does at school. It does not fit in this setting and she is not going to try to make it fit. Instead, she turns it into a joke rewarded by Youko's petite soeur, Sachiko, pulling Yumi away from her. She relents easily, not fighting back but still wearing that smile.

She plays the role of the Cheshire Cat well but there are the few who can actually see through it. Youko is one of them but she turns away from her as she is confronted with _The Forest of Thorns_ and chooses solitude. She can sense Shimako following but they both know that when the time comes that will be when they will discuss it. For now, the soeurs walk in silent agreement.

She does not know what it is but this time she does not go to Youko. The memories are still painful enough for her that she does not want to be reminded of this. Shimako knows this and understands when she goes to her.

She is gentle with the younger girl and she pays attention. Sometimes she even wonders if this is the second chance that she has denied herself for so long. Then she closes her eyes and she knows that it is not for it is not Shimako that she sees. Nor is it Shiori. Sometimes she wonders if she ever saw anyone else.

* * *

Every night she has her, the red rose that would bloom so perfectly in the rose garden, and every night she breaks her until there is nothing left to be broken. Her wings, once so white, are now stained red by the flower she has tamed as her own. With each turn of the clock she fills the emptiness with her need and desires, drowning in her lover's passion for her.

"Don't go, Sei."

"I have to. I have to get to work in the morning."

It is a lie but she cannot tell the truth, cannot say the words that she really wants to say. She is afraid of losing Youko just as she has lost the others and, sometimes, she wonders if she will be lying or telling the truth when she says them. She does not know and that is probably what scares her the most.

Youko knows this. She probably already knew back when they did it the first time but she never says and Sei will never ask. She prefers the way that she corrupts the red rose even as she is corrupted by her. They need each other and she will never do anything to change that.

That is why even as she goes to the door she knows that she will never fully be rid of her mask. She prefers it that way too. It makes leaving easier than it should be, especially in the face of Youko's next words.

"Happy birthday Sei. I love you."

She closes her eyes and nods, not daring to turn back as she walks out of her lover's life, not sure to return that day or even that week. Still, she will return.

After all, she is Satou Sei. Just Satou Sei.


End file.
